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| This is just a random post that probably won't be very interesting. Just so you know.
I've been realizing recently how much of an observer I am. That's how I learn to do things best. Work is a good example. In order for me to learn something new, I want to watch someone else do it first, then I want to see other people's techniques and make my own technique based on a combination of the others, then I tweak it to make it mine.
This is the same when people are talking. I love to listen to people talk, and I am realizing just how horrible I am with words. (Which is surprising when you consider how loud I am.) I listen and observe so much, and I keep it all inside where it makes perfect sense to me, but when I open my mouth, most of the time the words make no sense and I feel like an idiot cuz they seem awesome in my head where I can analyze things. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my thoughts right while I'm talking that I'll get insanely confused and try to figure out what I was just saying. This happens all the time at work when I'm on the phone with customers. I've heard so many people say, "Um... what?" over the phone, and it's not their fault at all! (Well, some of the time.) It's really funny if you're actually watching me while I'm on the phone because I just forget how to talk sometimes.
Anyway, I think the reason I'm writing this is because I was just reading a bunch of y'all's xanga posts and I would get to the end and want to comment on them so bad, but I would have no idea what to say, and I was afraid I would sound idiotic if I did comment. I enjoy reading your posts so much, and I want to let you all know that. I may not know what to say when I read them, but I think about them all the time and pray for you all because your openness about what's going on in your lives makes it easier to know how to be praying for you.
So maybe this post is to also ask you all to pray for me because I don't say what I wish I could say logically, and it's incredibly frustrating at times because people sometimes misinterpret what I'm saying. And I really do love talking, it's just difficult at times.
Maybe this is why I like books so much. You can just read forever and you don't have to come up with something to say back to the book! =)
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| I knew this was going to happen. I go through these stages where I have an emotional high, then go straight into an emotional low, then I fluctuate back and forth between the two. It's like a roller coaster. That analogy is used so much, but whatever. =)
Right now I'm at the stage of the roller coaster where you've just come down the final drop that makes your stomach shoot up to your brain, but it's exhilarating and amazing, and then you come to a drastic stop and it's all over. This is my least favorite part of the ride, both literally and metaphorically. You've just been on a crazy ride that was exciting and made you laugh and scream with joy, and then it's over. Everyone releases their groans of disappointment (except that lady in the back who started screaming that she'd changed her mind and didn't want to die at the very beginning), and exits the ride. So right now I'm in this kind of "eh," stage. It's really boring, and I become nasty, obnoxious, rude, and quite unbearable.
Tonight during Bible study I just started praying for my relationships with so many people because I had this feeling that everyone there was sick of me, and I was waiting until everyone would just get fed up and leave me all alone. I didn't like that feeling, because for one reason I knew that that was inaccurate, while another part of me was saying I deserved it because I was being so horrible to so many people.
So as I tend to be when I update my xanga, I am confused with a waterfall of 70 different emotions, and I continue to be in constant need of prayer.
Thank you to those who talked to me today. I felt like a turtle in my shell that was just waiting to retreat should someone mention my nastiness. Satan's poking me, and it's REALLY annoying, and I need to keep praying that he'll go away and that I'll look to the Lord to be my Strength. (I kind of wish I still had the wimpy, plastic armor of the Lord that all us kids had back in the day. So awesome.  )
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| So, there are 6 council members. This should be interesting! I heard someone say tonight, "You know, this happened for a reason," and they are so right! For some reason God wants us to have 6 council members, and I'm ready for us to find out why! Please be praying for us, as this is something very different not only for the new council members, but for the 3 of us that were on the council before. I'm excited to see what God has in store for us and for the youth group.
I love Sundays, I love fall, and I love sitting by fires while talking to some really fantastic people. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. I've been so blessed, and I take it for granted far too often. I feel so at peace tonight, thinking about how beautiful my friends are in heart, body, and soul.
There's so much running through my head at this moment. A mix of emotions. I wish I could put it to words, but I don't know if I'd be able to, and if I did I think it might be a bit too personal at times, making it difficult for me to speak freely. If you could please keep me in your prayers, though, I would appreciate it very much. I'm praying for each of you as I attempt to fall asleep tonight. Thank you for being in my life. =)
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| Today at work, a young couple came in to order some pizza. They had come in once before a while back, and when I had asked for their name, the wife/girlfriend started telling me their name, but the husband/boyfriend talked over her and said, "MY NAME IS KING!!!" The two of them laughed, so I shrugged and put it in the computer. Today when they came in, the guy remembered me, and while his wife/girlfriend (gosh, that's gonna get annoying, um, his WOMAN) started ordering, he asked me what my name was. I told him, and he was like, "Melanie! We like Melanie, sweetie! She's always so cheerful! Remember us, Melanie? We're KING!" I laughed and told him I remembered, and just to make it even more special, I would add some exclamation points to their name.
When I was done taking their order, they sat down inside and I continued working. At one point I was on the phone taking an order when one of my coworkers asked the couple what their name was so they could check on their pizza. The guy instantly said, "King... with exclamation points!!!"
A few minutes later, their pizza came out and I picked up the pizzas and shouted, "Your majesty? You're pizza's done!" They laughed and informed me they would be back soon. I really love my job ^_^
I want to thank those of you who have been praying for me. It means so much to me and I love each of you so incredibly much! God has really blessed me with such amazing Christian friends! This past week has been so incredible. I've been getting school done at reasonable times, work is great, and I've seen some really awesome people this week! Thank you, thank you =)
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| Today was not a good day for me. The reason today was not a good day for me is because the dreadfulness of the entire week finally caught up with me. I've been blowing it off every day, but it all kinda just exploded out of me right now in the form of yet more tears (and snot. Not gonna lie.) I still need prayer. So much of it. Please pray I can wake up at the time I want and most of all NEED to. Pray for my self-esteem, which seems to be plummeting down the toilet along with all these beetles we've been killing around our house recently. I feel as though I'm withering away into nothingness. But God is good. Always. And He still likes me even when I have snot and tears pouring down my face.
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